Archive for October, 2008

You know that you are a loser on Internet when…

1.You don’t know how to write in proper English. You use “ma” instead of “my”, “watevea” instead of “whatever” or “heLLo” instead of “Hello”. You put extra letters to a word. For example; “LiFE3” in lieu of “Life”. You prefer to use sms language on forums. Moreover, you think that it’s cool to write like this.

2.While browsing these sites, you send friend requests to girls and continuously check out their profiles. If they don’t accept it then also you keep on sending requests.

3.You try to use “Unlock Photo Albums Scripts” on the profiles of girls or your ex-lovers.

4.You just can’t complete your sentence without typing “Lolz”.

5.You send forward messages to your friends as scraps. For example; “Your mother will die if u don’t forward it to 10 people”, “I’ll sleep with your girlfriend if you don’t send it to 100 people”.

6.You’ve 200+ friends on Orkut but you don’t know half of them. Moreover, you don’t even talk to them. This is because you think that having 200+ friends makes you popular.

7.You have a fake profile to spy on your ex- girlfriend/ boyfriend.

8.You’re using a picture of Hannah Montana/Hilary Duff as your profile picture.

9.You don’t know your neighbor but you know about the latest games on Myspace.

10.You fight with people in communities and forums while in real life you don’t have the guts to say anything.

11.In real life, you say “LOL” in place of laughing.

12.After reading this, you are totally pissed off at me and now you’re going to the comment box to abuse me.

13.You copy this whole guide and forward it to your friends through email or post it on social networking websites or internet forums.

Well, only the 13th point is apt on me. How many are true on your side?

Long ago, there used to be an image circulating in forwarded mails stating the facts which The Sultan can do. Well, here are some new facts which were recently discovered :

1. Rajnikant makes onions cry
2. Rajnikant can delete the Recycle Bin.
3. Ghosts are actually caused by Rajnikant killing people faster than Death can process them.
4. Rajnikant can build a snowman….. out of rain.
5. Rajnikant can strangle you with a cordless phone.
6. Rajnikant can drown a fish.
7. When Rajnikant enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
8. When Rajnikant looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajnikant and Rajnikant.
9. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
   Rajnikant can throw Brett Favre even further.
10. The last digit of pi is Rajnikant. He is the end of all things.
11. Rajnikant does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
12. Bullets dodge Rajnikant.
13. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajnikant and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
14. Rajnikant’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikant.
15. If you spell Rajnikant wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajnikant?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
16. Rajnikant can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
17. Once a cobra bit Rajnikant’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
18. When Rajnikant gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
19. Rajnikant can kill two stones with one bird.
20. Rajnikant was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
21. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajnikant can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
22. There is no such thing as global warming. Rajnikant was cold, so he turned the sun up.
23. Rajnikant can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
24. Rajnikant has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
25. It takes Rajnikant 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
26. Rajnikant once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
27. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikant could use to kill you, including the room itself.
28. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajnikant.
29. Rajnikant destroyed the periodic table, because Rajnikant only recognizes the element of surprise.
30. Rajnikant got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
31. With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajnikant is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
32. The square root of Rajnikant is pain. Do not try to square Rajnikant, the result is death.
33. When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajnikant takes this as a personal insult.
34. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Rajnikant has allowed to live.
35. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikant.

Rajnikant’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Rajnikant doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Rajnikant can slam a revolving door.

Rajnikant does not get frostbite. Rajnikant bites frost.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a Padayappa on Satellite TV

There are no races, only countries of people Rajnikant has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

Rajnikant’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

Rajnikant doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Rajnikant can divide by zero.

Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,
there is no force equal in reaction to a Rajnikant turnaround kick.

When taking the GRE, write “Rajnikant” for every answer. You will score over 1600.

Rajnikant invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise
invented pink.

In the beginning there was nothing…then Rajnikant kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That
is the story of the universe.

Rajnikant has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Rajnikant grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one
who has encountered Rajnikant”

Rajnikant ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

If you Google search “Rajnikant getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
It shows now 400+ results. Thanks to these facts.

Rajnikant can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

Rajnikant doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Rajnikant lives in Chennai.

Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

James Cameron wanted Rajnikant to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Thousands of years ago Rajnikant came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have white hair.

Long live the star!!